My bed it calls me to come lay,
telling me it can erase the pain and make everything go away.
My pillow seduces me to come lay my head down.
It calls me to come and "rest"
My comforter slides over me to hug me.
I fall asleep in its embrace, thinking that when I wake up it will all be new.

Waking up it is still there over me, in my head, in my heart
I wake up in tears, I wake up in thoughts, I wake up in darkness.
This bed lied to me it can't help me.
Pillow is wet of the tears that it could not erase,
It only soaked up the thoughts and sang them to me as I slept
The bed gave my body rest but harden my soul.
The comforter did nothing but make me sweat.

How do I forget that the real comforter is God?
He is the only who can give rest to the weary.
His wings and arms can embrace.
His chest where I can lay my head on.
His heart beat singing love over me as a lullaby.

lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub ..
my heart inside me beats
but each beat cause a little crack to get bigger and bigger.
Becoming to look more like a spider web that I am caught in.
As the enemy throws lies and darts at me.

I hold my heart in my tiny hand, scared, waiting for it to shatter
Trying to keep the pieces together
Thinking if I can just hold it tighter it will not fall but fuse back together
What am I to do it falls apart over me?
The scars and cuts I will get on my hands
The blood I will bleed.

Why haven't I put in God's hands?
His mighty hands that holds the world together
He that created my being
The creator of my heart.
He knows every beat
He sees every crack,

If it were to fall apart.
If it were to shatter
His hands would take the wounds
His hands would be covered in blood.
He already paid for this price on that cross.

The Creator knows where the pieces go,
He knows the pain in my heart.
He would know how to sculpt it back together
He would make it stronger and bigger
He is a potter who is ever so gentle.

I am so scared
I don't want it to shatter
I don't want to feel this pain anymore
I just want all of this to end.
I don't want to run away
I don't want to abandon
I don't want to hurt
I don't want to kill

I beg you Lord to come and take my heart
Take it from me.
As I stare into your eyes
As the chaos that is going on behind me
Keep speaking truth into me
Keep my eyes on you.
Remind me that You fight for me.
Remind me that You have overcame all of this

That this breaking heart is another chance to get know You.
To know who You are
That my new heart will be filled of Your blood
That this heart will be really the reason I live

Come Lord, I beg you to come save me again.
Come Lord, I need you.
I need those wings to embrace me
I need your heart beat of love to sing to me
I need your chest to give me rest
I need Your voice to tell me you got this.

Love.
Is the most important one to me.
Without Love God wouldn't be God to me.
He is an amazing and beautiful being who is so in love with us.
He is a father who loves us - that He would come and die for us.
He is a savior that took those lashes and thorns for our lives.
If God wasn't Love, He wouldn't have came and set us free.
He wouldn't care for us.

BUT OH HE SO LOVES US!
He never stops pursing us - He loves us enough to leave us alone, when We tell Him too. But He is there right before You cry out to Him.
He loves us that He hurts and cries when we are lost, broken, or falling.
He Loves us that with just a glance - JUST A GLANCE- moves Him and makes Him happy- Oh man do you know How amazing it is when you are just sitting there staring at Him?!
He Loves us that He tells us that He will fight for us.
He Loves us where our sin is hidden from Him.- He "forgets" everything we have done against Him.
He Loves us that He hates seeing the wicked even die.
He Loves us that He is constantly saving us.

Without Love He wouldn't be
a Savior to His children
a Father to the fatherless
a healer to the sick
a comforter to the troubled
a redeemer to the broken
a lover to the lonely
He wouldn't be what you need Him to be in Your life if He wasn't love.

Love came down and rescued me- hillsong
HE CAME DOWN - THE KING OF KINGS, THE ONLY GOD, THE LORD OF LORDS
came down down off His THRONE to walk with us.
He came down for us? So we would be with Him! So we could all one day reign with Him!
He picked us- the sinners, prideful, rude, ignorant, unloving, selfish, and whatever else you can think the human race could be- to be with Him for eternity- to reign with Him for Eternity!

ISN'T THAT LOVE?! ISN'T IT?!
Jesus even cleaned the feet of Judas - the man who betrayed Him and turned Him over. Also, Peter- the man who denied Him three times, when Jesus needed His friends the most.
He Loves us! unconditionally!
That means He Loves us with no expectations!
He just loves us.

Now that is LOVE.

I want to start this off with why I am writing this and starting this blog.

This blog is for God- in a way to worship who He is and ALL HE DOES.

He is a good amazing God.

I have came to a point in my life now where persecution has started not just in where I work and have class with but also with people I walk daily with. 

I write this blog because those who have judged me have not heard my story, why I act the way I do.

How I have became who I am.

What He saved me from

What He has and is teaching me. 

My identity in Him.

I write this blog so I can probably help others understand who the Real God is. Who THE ONLY GOD is.

WHO HE REALLY IS. What He has become to me. And who WE were created to be. 

I hope you enjoy this blog and that it is a testimony of Jesus' death, resurrection and ascending.