Peace

Change...
So much has and is happening, in such a little time- it all came at once as a surprise- well some of it.

I had a best friend who I was walking with about a year now and talking life,who just stop talking to me. Abandoning me when they told me I could not leave our relationship and could not afford loosing me. Now I am here one less best friend, one less brother, one more part of my breaking heart.

Another best friend - God is calling to go back home. I have known a little while that she would be leaving but to know it is actually happening now. A best friend, A sister, A person who has changed me. I will miss her a lot. We constantly hang out together, constantly speak, now I am loosing that....
Another part of my breaking heart.

Another best friend she is staying here and not leaving but she is walking into the real world. She will not be here on campus any longer. She won't live down the road to me anymore. I will see less of her and won't get to speak to her as much. Another part of my breaking heart.

These three people are around my age that I love to be with, loved to talk Jesus with. They are my sisters and brother.

Then there is Panera- yes i am happy that i am leaving it. Still they are family to me. I have walked and did life with them for 20 months. They put up with me, I put up with them, we had our fights, our laughter, and much more. To know that this was my last breadbash, to know that i have 2 more days there, to know I won't see my regulars anymore. The sorrow. Another part of my breaking heart.

I am also moving from a one bedroom to a 4 bedroom. Moving in with 3 other ladies. The fear in that for me. Never lived really with other people except my parents. I am fearful of everything that comes along with that.

I can not stop crying. The tears, the sorrows, the loneliness, the pain, the fear. I know there are people out their who are having it worse than me right now but I still can not stop crying and being in pain. I feel so lonely in all of this.

However, I still know God is good in all of this. I know that He is going to have an amazing surprise at the end of this season of Change. That when I come back from my Ireland mission trip, a new season will start that will restore everything that is happening right now.

In this I have peace through it all though- yes even though fear creeps in. God's truth is so much stronger than the lies the enemy speaks to me.
He is the peace I need, letting me know He got's this.
To know in this chaos I know He is wrapping around me.
To know that He only does good.
That change is good.
That His peace consumes everything.
His eyes are fire that as I keep my eyes fixed on His - He consumes everything.
HE IS PEACE.
He will be faithful to my heart